Promises?

So oil-shitting bacteria isn't green enough for you? Well, apparently Tesla Motors is having some big press event today and they have made two big announcements. The first is that they are planning on having an electrically powered 5-passenger sports sedan for sale in the future for just $60,000. That sounds expensive but compared to their $100,000+ two seat roadster it's quite a deal...of course there is no projected availability date. But an estimated 225 mile range is pretty damn impressive and may be worth waiting for.

The second announcement is that they will have a sub-$30,000 model S available inside of just four years. There's no details about size or range but you can bet that it will be a smallish city car.

Maybe these guys can help save Chrysler by contracting them to produce these forthcoming designs.

New Bond

The trailer for the forthcoming, 22nd installment of the James Bond franchise was briefly released to the Internets. Jalopnik was kind enough to snag and link a copy before it was pulled. Personally, I think Quantum Of Solace is an odd title, based on the trailer it should have been titled Rouge Agent.

Welcome to the future

This story has been making the rounds for the past week but I couldn't find a decent ACTUAL story about it until today. Apparently a startup is Silicon Valley is using a genetically modified bacteria to produce a near clone of good 'ole fashioned oil. That's right, you mix the bacteria with a biomass of some kind, the bacteria digests and then essentially "shits" oil.

Scenario number one, if it works as proposed then it's awesome. We can all have a little mini bacteria refinery in our garages; dump your grass clippings in every week and out comes sweet, sweet gasoline.

Scenario number two (the Resident Evil scenario if you will), it doesn't work and the genetically modified bacteria turns out to be completely insaitable. The bacteria consumes the entire planet's biomass and converts the entire Earth into a giant ball of hydrocarbon goodness.

Either way it could mean the end of our dependence on oil. If the process is reliable, scalable and not apocalyptic in some way.

Eat your young

The American auto industry is on the verge of collapse. Things were bad when our current gas crisis started but now after months of $4 gas, the product baskets full of enormous SUVs and trucks are sinking the formerly "Big Three" like a giant anchor.

Chances are that Chrysler is not going to survive as a company for much longer. Think about that for a minute....what's going to happen if every Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep dealership fold up shop? General Motors is hovering near a stock meltdown and Ford can't unload all of its unprofitable parts fast enough. The clock is ticking....

For a long time industry experts have cried that the Detroit automakers needed to dump some of their unprofitable brands and streamline their operations. Check out this chart of brands that SHOULD be killed off in order to bring some kind of sanity to their product lineups. The American car companies never did figure out that they were just spinning their wheels and wasting money trying to market and sell the same car under two or three different brand names. For example GM is stealing sales away from the Saturn Aura by selling the same car as the Chevrolet Malibu all the while wasting millions trying to market each as having unique brand character. What bullshit, they are the same damn car! The only one on that list that is sad is Saab. I never particularly liked Saab but they did make unique cars with a very distinct character...until GM bought them and homogenized the uniqueness out of their lineup. Why buy a Saab when it's really just a GM Vectra/Malibu/Aura in a fancy Swedish hat?

I grew up in a factory town, worse yet a Chrysler factory town. It scares the hell out of me to think what a ghost town it will become if Chrysler really does go down the tubes.

He's baaaaaack

Donnie has returned because we all still suck at Photoshop. Apparently Donnie has some bad baby batter.

Great recap

Check it out Lost fans, the top 30 WTF?! moments of the first four seasons. Major spoiler warning to those of you that haven't watched Lost.

Crack heads

According to this story from the LA Times, 75% of people surveyed believe that President Bush is responsible for our sagging economy. That means that 25% of you are still living in some delusional wonderland. Let's see how do you wreck an entire economy in just 8 years? Here's a few ways.

1. Ignore months of intelligence that terrorists are planning attacks that will throw your financial markets into chaos and kill hundreds of people integral to our global economy.
   
2. Turn your country into a Police State making it much more difficult for international business to be conducted. Thanks Patriot Act.
3. Invade other countries against the will of the majority of the international community... that will foster good will and drum up business.
4. By doing number 3 you really piss of the people that provide us with the most necessary thing to our economy, oil. That's turned out to be a great idea.
   
5. In order to accomplish number 3 you need to find some cash from somewhere. It used to be you'd increase taxes to get that money but that was not an option for Bush since he was too busy cutting taxes to distract everyone from number 3. So you borrow the money from other governments, as much as $1.5 trillion dollars. That's why the Dollar is in the shitter, because we've diluted our currency by that much in just eight years.
6. Turn number 3 into a three ring circus of inept decisions.
   

Awesome

Trent Reznor and his compatriots in NIN are really pioneering digital distribution of music. They've decided that they don't need no stinkin' record company in order to get their music into the hands of their fans, HOORAY!

This post on NIN's web site shows how they have generated a KML file (that's a Google Earth Layer BTW) that allows you to see the location and quantities of downloads of their latest album, The Slip. Now think about how important that information must be to a band, it would allow them to know where the greatest concentration of fans are and plan their live shows accordingly. just think that's cool.

A dedication

This one is for you Forbes.

Sweet, sweet porn

Here's some great porn....gun porn.

Oil BAD!!!!

Everyone knows that once the Germans set their minds to something you better watch out, but does this sound a bit optimistic on the behalf of Mercedes? I dare them to do it because if an entire manufacturer is committed to this kind of sea change then we are in for a very interesting time over the next few years.

Remember what I said about the Saudis freaking out....now their beloved Mercedes won't even need oil?

Viral Video DEFINED!

Someone asked me what a "viral" video was and they actually made the little finger "air quotes" when they asked....old people are so cute.

Okay, basically a Viral video is a video that is produced (either by you or for you without your authorization) and distributed via the Internet. Now that's pretty vague but what really makes a video go "viral" is when they are good enough for people to distribute and post them EVERYWHERE on the Internet. Think of it has the internet video version of word of mouth advertising. A really good viral video is a marketing executive's wet dream and a negative viral video is a lawyer's wet dream.

So here is this story about how viral video goes wrong....or does it? First, watch the "controversial" viral commercial. That commercial was supposedly submitted to the Cannes Film Festival by the ad agency without the permission of JC Penny. Of course the commercial won an award at Cannes and is now the hot shit on the Internet...not to mention it is a really good idea for a commercial. But JC Penny doesn't approve of the video's message of teenage fornication, fucking puritans, at least they don't approve publicly. This is where viral becomes win-win, JC Penny comes out looking "edgy" to teens and getting a shit load of free advertising to their target audience. At the same time they can publicly appease stodgy chrtistian parents by saying how wrong the message is.

This is easy as pie. All they have to do is issue a public statement about how it is wrong and they don't approve and then make a half-hearted attempt to get the video removed from the Internet. All they really need to do is have the video "pulled" from YouTube, that virtually guarantees that the video will be EVERYWHERE else in a matter of hours.

Say what?

Okay, an Indian owned Jaguar is odd but makes SOME sense given the history of the two nations involved. How about Volvo being sold to a Chinese company? Seriously, that is just insane. Props to Ford if they can pull it off because there is no way in hell that Volvo will be able to maintain their status as a "prestige" brand with Chinese ownership.

Smut, hot chicks...the usual.

Check out Holy Taco, a celebrity smut/gossip site that is entertaining as hell because of the copious pictures of mostly naked woman. Also there's cool story about a Japanese game show hosted by a chimpanzee....you can't make shit like that up.

That is THE shit!

Check out this hilarious story....WTF!

Forum troll bait.

If you frequent a lot of forums like I do then sometimes you need that perfect image to insert into a post that makes you the smartest guy in the thread. Well, here is a link to some perfect images for every occasion.

TOP GEAR!

I almost forgot...TOP GEAR IS BACK! For those of that still don't get it here are some instructions on how to download a pirated version of Top Gear, THE GREATEST SHOW EVER.

1. Download uTorrent and install it.
2. Go to this page and download the torrent file for this week's episode.
3. When asked by your browser say Yes, I'd like to open the file with uTorrent.
4. uTorrent will confirm that you want to download the file...click OK.
5. While it is downloading make an eye patch and sing a Pirate Shanty.
   
6. Once the file is downloaded you should be able to play it using Windows Media Player. You may need to download and install a codec pack like this.
7. Repeat every Sunday at 6:00PM EST.
   

You're welcome.

Funny...for nerds

Here's yet another World of Warcraft inspired video. This one is really funny though, World of Wifecraft.

With a bang.

We're all going to die some day, nature's inevitable constant will catch up with you when you least expect it. The question is how would you rather go; choking on a piece of $4 steak at Golden Coral or in a big ball of fire at 300 MPH? I know which one I'd pick.


RIP Scott Kalitta. (NSFW, Death)

Feeling tired?

Watch this unsuspecting VW Jetta take it in the ass.

Idiot of the month club

Jalopnik has a story about Chevy dealerships gouging people on the new Corvette ZR-1 by charging as much as 4 times the MSRP of $103,000. That's $400,000+ for a Corvette...WTF? You could buy a near mint Porsche Carrera GT for that kind of money. Talk about a waste of money, does anyone see a ZR-1 holding its value as well as a Carrera GT? There was only 1270 Carrera GTs manufactured worlwide, Chevy has already announced an ANNUAL production number of 1500+ ZR1s.

So you're getting charged an extra $300,000 to have "I've got the biggest cock" bragging rights...I hope anyone that pays that gets hit by a bus.

Giggity Giggity.

Check out the 10 best Quagmire moments from Family Guy.

Skill set.

Check out this trailer for a new movie, Taken. Liam Neeson creeps me out with that voice....looks good.

Grow Up!

Go ahead and read this article....I dare you.

Instead of pushing the government to regulate the Internet how about we "license" Internet users? You have to pass some basic computer skills test to prove that you are not some raging fucking moron that:

1. Understands that clicking on pop-up ads is FUCKING IGNORANT.
2. My Space is nothing but a loose collection of raging dickholes and is best to be avoided.
   
3. You may get your feelings hurt by mean people mocking your crippling physical and mental flaws...squish fucking squish.

Better yet how about requiring people to pass an IQ test before allowing them to buy a computer. That would make the Internet a much better place. I've been using the Internet for a decade now and I have never been hijacked or had my identity stolen....its called due diligence you idiots.

The Internet can not be effectively policed or regulated by any agency or centralized authority. Any attempts to do so would be incredibly naive and doomed to fail.

Absolute Proof.

There is no god. George Carlin is dead yet Andrew "Dice" Clay and Ray Romano are allowed to live? Does that sound remotely fucking fair to you?

Guess George is going find out if "The Invisible Man that lives in the sky..." really exists.

New Poll

Been thinking about a midlife crisis car, you know something to show off the size of my cock. So I'm playing the "here's your budget now find something interesting" game. Let's say I've got $35,000 to spend (I don't but it makes this more interesting) on a "toy" car....what exactly would that get me? It has to be interesting or unique and sporty.

1. Porsche Boxter - I could easily afford a lightly used Boxster for that kind of money and it would be a great car to drive....until someone pulled up next to me in a 911 :(.
   
2. Porsche 911 - There are plenty of lowish mileage (less than 60,000) 911s out there in this price range. The 911 is as reliable as a wood burning stove but if something on it does break then I'll need to donate a kidney to raise the necessary cash.
3. BMW M3 - Lots of E46 M3s out there for really good deals, very tempting. However, they are popular with the Oakley-wearing tools that listen to way too much Linkin Park.
4. Lotus Elise - Now this is a bit more out there and a lot harder to find but damn are they amazing. At 6'4" with a fairly thick middle I think I would look completely ridiculous getting out of one of these....assuming I can even get into one.
5. Audi TT - Too expensive if I factor in the cost of a sex change required for me to drive it.
6. Impreza STi - Like I'm totally going to prom with a cheerleader.....see the problem here.
7. BMW M5 - I've found quite a few E39 M5s for close to the same money as an M3. Who doesn't want a 4.9 liter V8 with 400hp? Same problem as the 911 though...if it breaks it may stay broken.

What should I do with my imaginary money?

Fakies

Read this article about manufacturing diamonds that are indistinguishable from "real" diamonds. Don't get too excited fellas...diamonds won't get cheaper anytime soon but it does have some amazing implications for materials and electrical engineering. Can't wait until I can have a car with a diamond-based clear coat that is absolutely impervious to scratches.

Ho Map.

Keep your Hos on the track.

Hilarious.

They still do that?

I thought MTV had turned into the 24 hour Big Brother channel or some shit, I didn't realize they still had awards shows. Here's a pretty funny bit from this year's Movie Awards.

I'm looking forward to Tropic Thunder even more now.

I'm still laughing

Another great piece by The Daily Show....irrational fear of hope, priceless.

Seriously, it appears that REAL journalism just does not exist anymore. They really are just producing shows about Internet rumors because they have nothing better to do and not enough talent to do something original. Why can't the Internet just kill television already...this slow, twitching death is just painful to watch.

Great Recipe for TV

Take one part Lost and two parts X-Files then sprinkle it with a little Alias and you get Fox's newest show, Fringe. I "elegally" acquired a DVD screener of the two hour premier and I must say....it's brilliant. Now you could wait until September 8th for the "premier" episode or you could swashbuckle your way to TV nirvana....your call.


J.J. Abrams is really on a roll these days...lets hope that the upcoming Star Trek lives up to the expectations.

Mozilla FTW!

Today is Firefox 3.0 day, rejoice! Seriously Firefox3 is a huge improvement and you should download it ASAP. If you're still using IE or Safari then you should really think about htting yourself in the head with a large, heavy object.

Another old media dinosaur?

It looks like The Associated Press wants to be lumped in with the RIAA and the MPAA. All of these "old media" companies are going into lawsuit spasms over the Internet, lets just hope it's really their death throes.

Someday they may wake up and finally realize that the rules haven't changed, everyone else is just playing a different game.

Sad news

RIP Stan Winston. Effects guru responsible for some of the greatest movie scenes of my childhood has lost a long battle with cancer.

Now that's viral.

The Internet is spawning a whole new trend in marketing, the viral video. Bands are starting to realize that if they can make a music video that is unique and "provocative" in some way then the Internet can become an enormous marketing machine. It helps if you not only have a good video but a really good song to go with it, like The Brighton Port Authority. Probably NSFW.

I cant get that song out of my head now. It appears that The BPA is one of Fatboy Slim's new projects....great stuff.

Money can't buy you happiness.

At least that's how the saying goes. It also appears that money can't buy you taste or class but it can buy you an enormous house with four home theaters.

Schwing!

Lord Vader....your car is ready. Now that is hot.

Hooray for mediocrity?

NBC has officially announced that the U.S. version of Top Gear is coming to NBC. They have announced the final hosts...the third one is a bit of an odd choice. Only time will tell just how bad this show will be....I'm afraid I'm much to jaded to think it will be anything but unwatchable.

Say goodbye to the Internets.

Here is yet another article about how ISPs are beginning to cap how much data you get to download every month. I love how they are portraying 5% of their customers as horrible bandwidth hogs that are ruining it for everyone else. I'm sorry but you are the ones that have spent the last decade selling your service as "Unlimited" and not expanding your network to actually deliver that service.

Why not just charge an extra $20 a month for true unlimited bandwidth instead of charging $1 per gigabyte over a certain limit? Because that way they get to make a ton of money off of people that stray over the limit occasionally or unknowingly. It's just like the bad old days of horribly limited cell phone plans and roaming charges. Do you realize that if you have a unsecured wireless router it would be very easy for your neighbors to use your WiFi to rack up MASSIVE bandwidth bills? And, if you are actually getting LESS service from them are they not DROPPING the price for the base packages? Talk about getting screwed, you're paying $45 per month now for a service that has no limits and they want you to pay $45 a month for a service that only delivers 50Gb per month. That's just wrong. If Comcast does this in my area then they can kiss the $180 a month they get from me for cable, phone and internet goodbye....and you should do the same.

Hopefully this will spark the return of "boutique" ISPs that will continue to charge flat rates and deliver service with no caps.

Impending Doom

I've found this very extensive article about how your 401K and irresponsible futures traders are going to destroy the global economy. Have a look at your 401K index fund, I bet a portion is invested in futures.

It's scary what this rampant futures run up could really lead to. It's one thing when you make a fortune off of driving the price of oil into the stratosphere because we can "live" without oil. But when you are responsible for starving twenty percent of the World's population by making grain and rice 5-10 times more expensive than it should be....thats unconscionable, no matter how much money you make.

The Saudis are finally seeing the light. They realize that the current unrealistic price of oil will only lead to one of two things. The first could be a global recession that destroys either the demand for or crashes the price of oil. The second could be that these inflated prices will drive the world to find cheap alternatives to oil before the Saudis can sell the estimated 260 billion barrels of oil that they've got left. I'm not saying the second scenario is a bad thing but it would be better for it to happen over a 20-40 year time table and not in as little as 10 years. The disruption to the global economy caused by a rapid shift away from oil could be just as bad as a global collapse brought on by soaring prices.

What's the alternative?

Jalopnik has a very interesting article about the prospects of Ford retooling their American truck factories so that they can build their more efficient European models. The fellows at Jalopnik cast some serious doubts on this idea because of the enormous cost that Ford would incur trying to retool an entire factory infrastructure to build a completely different product. I agree that it will be hugely expensive but what alternative does Ford have? The frightening truth is that $4/gallon gas is here to stay and America's love affair with (the casual use of) full size trucks and SUVs is coming to an abrupt end. Ford has always relied on the huge sales of their trucks as a cash cow and without truck sales Ford is in big trouble unless they can do something to fill the product gap. At least they have the benefit of a strong European portfolio of successful and well-designed cars that SHOULD be successful sellers in the newly changed US market.

Right now there are people that still cling to their monster SUVs claiming that they need them to drag their larvae around town. But soon owning one of these dinosaurs will not only be expensive but DEEPLY uncool. All the soccer moms will be scooting around in Mini Clubmans and giving disapproving stares to those wasteful idiots in their Expeditions....just wait.

Hell Yeah!!

The trailer for the new Death Race movie is out and I must say.....HELL YEAH! The whole soundtrack better be 80's Hair Metal because that's the best use of "Welcome To the Jungle" ever!

This movie better not suck.

Just do it!!

First of all, the Aygo is the European version of the Yaris that is sold in the US and is a much better looking car than old Parrot Face. Second, Toyota is showing off this awesome version of the Aygo that they call the Aygo Crazy. A tiny two door city car with a 200HP turbo charged engine mounted where the back seat would normally be. Two words for you Toyota....SELL THIS! Bring this ultimate hot hatch back to the US market!

Ouch, that hurts.

I've been a defender of Metallica for a long time. Their music was such a part of my formative years that they could do no wrong in my mind. After reading this article I think I'll finally wash my hands of them and stop defending their antics. They are frozen in time somewhere around 1999...maybe one day they'll let the hair grow back and apologize to Jason Newsted.

Full Circle

Big news today that Yahoo is partnering with Google to use Google's advertising system to make more money from their own search engine. The funny thing is that Google used to be the little fish providing search results for Yahoo from 2000 - 2004 and now Yahoo is getting help from Google. Of course the real loser in this deal is Microsoft, their failure to acquire Yahoo earlier this year was already a black eye. Yahoo and Google teaming up could be very bad news for Microsoft in the long run.

Alternate Reality

Check out this hilarious video about an alternate reality where up is down and black is white. Cats and dogs living together...mass hysteria!

The rough life

Top Gear star Richard Hammond has a really rough life. This video shows just how much pain and suffering he has to endure on a daily basis.

Seriously, the video is promoting Hammond's new book about how he nearly died in a 300MPH jet car crash and his recovery.

Update: I've been listening to the audio book version of Hammond's book On the Edge. The middle part of the book is narrated by his wife and her description of his accident is utterly heart breaking.

Cool

Make your next kidnapping go more smoothly with this easy to use online ransom note generator.

Yada Yada Yada

Check out this cool countdown page. For those that don't know, the Large Hadron Collider is an enormous particle collider being constructed in Europe by CERN. It should be operational soon and will allow Physicists to stage experiments that would have been impossible prior to the construction of the LHC.

There are those that have voiced concerns about the LHC. Some are afraid that it will generate dangerous amounts of radiation that could poison the environment surrounding the site. Others are concerned that it could generate micro black holes or singularities that could tear the fabric of space and time......awesome. And those are the "normal" skeptics, the real crackpots think that it is being built by the Freemasons in order to tear a hole in the Van Allen belt so that Satan can return to the Earth to battle God. Seriously.

Fakers!

Here's a link to the 50 greatest commercial parodies. Lots of SNL bits, Colon Blow got robbed! It should have been way higher than 19th place. There are at least two that are missing, where the hell is MAD TV's awesome iRack video? That should count as a commercial parody. There was also an ancient Mad TV bit about AT&T versus MCI that was hilarious and ended with the jingle "Stop Dealing with Pagans". I'm trying to find it on the net...no luck. And the one about Anal Leakage making fun of Olestra products.


Also, if you like these then you should definitely check out a movie called Crazy People starring Dudley Moore. Here's one of the clips from that little gem.


UPDATE: That MadTV commercial was called NDI vs AE&E, it was from season 1 episode 3 but I cant find a clip anywhere.

Hot stuff

Here's your NSFW site of the day. Hours of enjoyment....man, Keeley Hazell is hot.

Shameless PS3 plug

Here's a great story about why you should buy a PS3. While I agree with most things in this article there is one big problem. Sony either needs to bundle or make available software that allows you to stream audio/video to your PS3 from your desktop computer OR they need to make the PS3 able to access UNC shares. The second would be so simple, just let your networked PS3 to access shared folders on your Windows based computer. The PS3 is running Linux...I know it can access UNC and Samba shares. That would make the PS3 an awesome media player.

Then they need to give it a piece of software that allows it to access RSS feeds to podcasts from places like Revision3.

I doff my cap...

Bravo Apple, I must admit that I'm surprised by today's 3G iPhone announcement. Basically, all of you people that bought first generation iPhones are suckers. The new one is going to be faster and a lot cheaper. Only $199 for the 8GB version with a 2 year contract, of course a 3G data and voice plan is going to cost you at least $69.99/month.

Imminent fanboy stampede

Next Monday is the WWDC, which for the actual humans out there, is one of Apple's yearly product dumpfests that drive the Mac faithful into epilectic fits. You know the types, they sit in Starbucks all day wearing black turtle necks with their little glowing Apple logos placed so that everyone can see them. Douchebags.

Anyway the big deal is the new "3G" iPhone is coming and it will be the Second Coming of the Jesus phone. What matters here is price, Apple screwed everyone on the price of the "gen 1" iPhone and I bet they pull the same shit here. Most of you would never take advantage of 3G speeds anyway.

Besides, all of the competitors are coming and my guess is that their will be cheaper and better options to the iPhone. Google's Android based phones, HTC's Diamond and Sony Ericsson's XPeria should be out by the end of the year. The XPeria is the one that I'm looking forward to.

Revision3 FTW!

Revision3 is adding yet another great show to their lineup. Epic-FU is a internet news blog that features a lot of really unique music and stuff you're not going to find on the web by yourself. Check it out bitches.

Crazy Germans

Check out this insane water slide in Germany.

Inspiring

Here's a link to a blog that is just beginning.

This is the story of a injured Veteran of the war in Afghanistan and his trip around the country. You should read from the beginning its sad but inspiring. Looking at the picture of that Apache crash...it's a miracle he survived at all.

Don't be a dick.

Watch this video.

Eventually the video camera may prove the ultimate downfall of cops that think they own your ass just because they wear a badge. I respect that it's a tough job but that's no excuse for attacking someone...even if they do make a smart ass comment. Besides how big of an idiot do you have to be to attack a news reporter with a rolling camera, what a moron.

Go out with a bang.

Don't quit gracefully and don't wait to get fired. If you sense impending doom then you need to go out with some style. This girl decided to make fake business cards for her boss...priceless.

WTF!?

You can't make shit like this up....fucking weird.

False Prophets

Actually in the case of L. Ron Hubbard it should really be false PROFITS.

Small cars are in.

As recent as two years ago people that drove small cars were ridiculed and teased for their diminutive rides. No self respecting "man" would be seen driving a Toyota Yaris when he could have a Ford F350 SuperCab. Those times are a changing and small cars are becoming the chic new thing to drive. The problem is that not all small cars are created equal and there are some that will NEVER be cool no matter how expensive gas gets. So here's my guide (IMHO) to small cars.

Avoid at all costs:

1. The Smart Car - You'd have to be clinically insane to force yourself into one of these just to get 40-45MPG.
2. The Prius - I know what you're thinking...he's crazy the Prius is great. First off it's not a small car, compared to the others listed here, and second it's not that great. Don't buy the marketing hype, there are better alternatives out there.
3. Anything with a Kia or Hyundai badge. Just don't do it.

Only if you're desperate:

1. Chevrolet Aveo - Yuck! Its really a Daewoo underneath but at least you can get it serviced at a Chevy dealer. Last resort only.
2. Ford Focus - Not really that small, buy a used previous model because the new ones are butt ugly.

Cream of the crop:

1. The Mini - Expensive but fantastic...my pick if you've got the $$$.
2. Toyota Yaris - Kind of fugly but it's a Toyota so it will run forever. Clever interior...but it still looks like a parrot.
3. Suzuki SX4 - I love these, they're cheap and good looking. Only problem is a pretty thin service network and somewhat questionable reliability.
4. Honda Fit - This would be my second choice behind the Mini. Not as ugly as the Yaris but not as cool as the mini. The new model is coming later this year and it looks better yet.
5. VW Golf - Would have been my number two if VW hadn't changed the US name to Rabbit which I think is just stupid. A bit too big to be considered a small car.
   

Here is the part that sucks donkey balls. The Europeans and the Japanese have tons of small cars that we don't get that are awesome. Here are some of my favorites.

1. Fiat 500 - The coolest small car on the planet, it's just awesome.
   
2. Alfa Romeo Me.To - Stupid name for an awesome car, not technically available yet but still great.
3. Subaru R1 - Awesome, tiny little Subaru for the Japanese market.
4. Ford Fiesta - European compact that is pretty cool. Supposedly coming to the US in 2009, we'll see.
5. Ford Ka - Sells like hot cakes in Europe. Almost too cute for men to actually drive.
6. Volkswagen Lupo - Super small VW sold in Europe below the Golf. In diesel trim it gets as much as 75MPG.
7. Nissan Micra - It's weird but more interesting than most of the crap we've got.