Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Wrong Hole

First off....NSFW, for total hilarity.

Best thing Scott Baio has down since Arrested Development.

The $750,000 Thrill Ride.

Take a crazy mountain road, add three Ferrari F430s and this is what you get.

I know semi-automatic "flappy paddle" gearboxes are faster but they will never replace the awesome sound of a Ferrari shifter makes while sliding into it's metal gates. It sounds like working the bolt on a Enfield rifle.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The iPad, aka Jumbo Jesus Phone

I love my iPhone. More to the point I have a love/hate but mostly love relationship with my iPhone. That said, I'm so fucking sick of the iPad that I'm going to go on some kind of mass technology murder spree. "Man Destroys Mobile Devices In Four State Rampage"...the headlines will read.

I think the mainstream press is way to far onto Apple's bandwagon this time. Here is my winners and losers style breakdown of the iPad. This will stay here for posterity's sake so a couple of years from now I can either say Fuck You, I told you so or cringe at the very mention of this post.


  • Old School "Big" Book Publishers: The "major" publishers are looking at this as their salvation from sinking print profit margins and Amazon's perceived iron grip on book pricing. The iPad may stand a decent chance of boosting book sales in the short term but reading on a LCD screen with a backlight is never going to be an ideal solution. The real hurt will come for them when they realize that Apple makes Amazon look like Mother Fucking Theresa...just ask the music industry or an App Developer that had their "naughty" app shit-canned. Once Apple owns the delivery mechanism to millions of users what will stop them from squeezing the revenues as far as they can? Nothing, that's what.
  • App Developers: The more drunk with power Apple gets the more restrictive they will get with app approval. What's that? You'd like to develop a new web browser for our "magical" iPad? That duplicates existing functionality...denied.
  • AT&T: Their 3G network can't keep up with all the iPhone users now. Just wait until everyone is streaming shit tons of video to their magical iPads.
  • Video Content Creators: Why does my awesome video that I shot in 1080p HD look like such dogshit on this supposedly magical device? I thought letterboxing video went out with tube TVs, talk about a leap backward.
  • Retailers: Anyone that owns a store that sells books, music, games, videos or magazines. Apple become the number one music retailer in just five years. How are stores like Sam Goody doing? Ever heard of bankruptcy?
  • End Users - Web Browsing: Browsing the web on this thing is supposedly the "killer app". Who wants to browse at 1024X768 resolution on a 10" screen with no flash support? I'm sorry but I have a 24" monitor on my desk and I would venture that most people are used to a minimum of a 17" monitor these days. That resolution sucks balls.
  • End Users - Video: Low resolution shit. Apple claims it will play "HD" video but that will only happen in a seriously letterboxed window that means that about 40% of your screen will be nothing but black nothingness. Just like the good ole days of "magical" widescreen DVDs on a 4:3 SD TV.
  • End Users - Music: I'm going to go for a walk, I'll just drop this ENORMOUS FUCKING iPad in my pocket...oh wait it won't fit. Fuck it I'll just carry it. Remember when people used to get mugged for their iPods because people could be seen wearing the conspicuously white headphones? Good luck holding on to your iPad as you walk down the street. If your one of those people that sits in their house on the couch and listens to music on headphones then you need to grow up and buy a real fucking stereo.
  • End Users - Books: I think I'll go outside and read this book....NOT! I really want to finish this book but after two hours of reading it feels like I have hot pokers in my fucking brain.

  • Apple: More devices = more content = more turtlenecks. Simple.
  • App Developers: The ones that don't run afoul of Apple's ever changing policies stand to make a fortune.
  • Game Developers: Apple has made application development very easy for large developers, porting stuff across platforms is child's play for someone like EA. More platforms equals more sales and the App store makes distribution WAY easier than hand held systems like the Nintendo DS and the PSP. Not to mention the profit margin is better.
  • Magazine Publishers: Books may suffer but this device should help magazines breathe some new life into their dying format. Rich content integration like audio and video on a connected device could make for some awesome magazines. Blurring the line completely between the web and traditional print.
  • End Users - Fanboys: Apple fan boys will flock to the iPad like flies on shit. By Thanksgiving you won't be able to walk into a Starbucks without seeing some hipster douchebag typing his "important" emails and inane fucking tweets from a conspicuously noticeable table. Make sure you say hi when you see me.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Douchebag of the Day

US Representative Eric Cantor decided that he would try to drum up sympathy for the GOP by claiming they were under attack by crazy liberals. Problem is that his facts were completely wrong....I'm sure it was an honest mistake.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Tale of the Tape

Here's a great article on the recently passed Health Care reform bill. It was written by Dennis Kucinich the Democratic Representative from Ohio whose vote was critical in the passing of the bill. I highly recommend it.

Socialism FTW.

Next time someone starts whining about socialism just remember this little gem.

This is a big fucking deal.

Sometimes, I just love Joe Biden. Secretly I think that Obama is more like Biden then he lets on publicly.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Jon Stewart, Comedy Genius.

Comedy Central needs to give Jon Stewart a full hour for his show. The first half would be the normal "Daily Show" and the second half would just be Stewart pretending to be Glenn Beck. This is some of the best and funniest satire ever.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Intro - Progressivism Is Cancer
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Reform

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Conservative Libertarian
Daily Show
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Political HumorHealth Care Reform

Get low.

If you can ignore the dumb first minute of this clip from Top Gun then you'll get to see some awesome low pass jet goodness.

Get to the chopper!!

The original Predator movie was one of the best action movies of the 80's, Schwarzenegger at his muscled finest. It's good enough to make you forget about the horrors of the sequels that followed. Robert Rodriguez, who has made some awesome action movies, is producing another sequel called Predators. The trailer just dropped and it looks like a true return to form for the franchise.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Between work and Plants vs. Zombies I've been too busy to post much for the last week. I did run across this gem, it is a breakdown of how much each channel in your cable "package" costs individually. Go ahead and total up how much the channels you watch ACTUALLY cost versus what you currently pay.

$5 per month for ESPN? That's fucking nuts.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Paralyzed by fear

I think I have reached an all time level of apathy for the American political system. It's all Stephen Colbert's fault....

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Health Care Vote Information Nerve Center - Charlie Cook
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In the past I've complained that the problem is that the entire Legislative Branch of our government is broken. I still believe that to be true and that the Institution itself is not really at fault. The fault lies in the dominance of the two party system and the unbelievable amount of self interest exhibited by nearly every member of Congress. Re-election and carrying the flag of "the party" means more than actually performing the duty of governing for the good off all the people.

The Democrats are a bunch of limp wristed pussies that are only concerned with trying to stay in power but not ACTUALLY FUCKING DO ANYTHING ONCE THEY HAVE THE FUCKING POWER TO DO SOMETHING.

The Republicans have become a group of babies that only care about complaining that they didn't fuck things up for the last eight years, it was broken when they found it. What utter bullshit...we could have paid for Universal Health Care for a fucking decade with the money they let Bush and Cheney piss away on invading Iraq.

Here's what George Washington thought of the rise of Political Parties during is later years:

"It serves always to distract the Public Councils, and enfeeble the Public Administration. It agitates the Community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms; kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which find a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions. Thus the policy and the will of one country are subjected to the policy and will of another. "

Reporting Live

This is great....I love the look on the News Anchor's face. Fast forward to the 1:00 minute mark.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


I wish I'd never grown up because if I hadn't I want to be Adam Savage from The Mythbusters. Check out on of his life long obsessions, building the perfect replica of Deckard's pistol from The Blade Runner.

Double standard

Read this fun little story.

So does this archdiocese hold their entire flock to the same standard? Do the children of divorced parents have to suffer the wrath of the church for their parents heresy? What about the children of adulterers, pedophiles and people that eat meat on Friday?

I guess the secret is to not "live in open discord with Catholic teaching" as the archdiocese outlined. There's the true method of the Catholic Church, be quiet and pretend nothing happened. Sure has worked great for them in the past. Make sure you're not seen eating meat on a Friday or they may throw your kids out of Catholic school...what bullshit.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Now this is brilliant.

I give you Godzilla Haiku. Awesome.

Talk about out of touch.

First off, eat shit Tom Delay.

What an ignorant prick. While I agree there are some serial abusers of the unemployment system I'd like to see the reaction to this of any one of the thousands of well-educated, thoroughly experienced professionals that have spent months looking for a job with no luck. I'm sure Mr. Delay is right and they would much prefer to make a quarter of their previous salary by collecting unemployment and relaxing in their soon to be foreclosed on homes.

Of course we can't all afford to voluntarily quit our jobs like you Mr. Delay and most of us don't have a job with access to tens of thousands of dollars in bribes and kickbacks either. Quitting on your terms seems so much less meaningful when all you're doing is trying to avoid getting thrown out for an ethics violations.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Freaky Friday

Check out Nana crashing the boards.....WTF.

Why not?

While agree with the Obama Administration's cancellation of the troubled Constellation program I have already blogged about my serious issues with not having a viable manned space system. It could easily be ten years until this country could field another manned flight system once the Shuttle Program ends. Couple that with estimates that the loss of Constellation and the cancellation of the Shuttle may cost as many as 27,000 jobs and it seems like a really bitter pill to swallow.

Personally I think extending the Shuttle program is the best, lowest cost option at this point. Too bad that's not likely to happen.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


This may be the coolest music video ever made....seriously.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Mother Nature.

Alligator versus Python....which one do you think will win? Video.

Not embeddable....what is this 2001?

Forget the batteries.

Porsche is showing off their new 918 Spyder Hybrid Concept car at the Geneva auto show this week and man is it fucking hot. I don't give a shit about the Hybrid part but this NEEDS to be the styling of the next Boxster/Caymen. It's just beautiful (except for the wheels, those are FUGLY.)


Apple has been called many things by many people but in general they are not known to be "afraid" of defending their intellectual property. In that respect it's not surprising that Apple has filed a patent infringement suit regarding their patents for the iPhone. What is surprising is who they are filing the suit against....HTC. Some of you probably said, who the fuck is HTC? HTC is a hardware manufacturer that makes the best phones that you've never heard of.

So why is Apple going after HTC? Because they make the best phones for both Google's Android OS and Microsoft's Windows Mobile platforms. Apple is taking the coward's route by not suing Google or Microsoft with their deep pockets and going after the only company that could really be hurt by the suit. Even though a fair amount of the things named in the suit are more related to the phone's operating system and not the hardware. It's a real dick move.

Holy WTF?

This is freaking hilarious....I'm intrigued and frightened.

Wouldn't it be awesome to see that guy on America Idol? I'd love to see him tear off Simon Cowell's head and drink his blood.
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